Mother child relationship theory of leadership

Eric Berne: Transactional Analysis -

mother child relationship theory of leadership

In other words, is the child soothed by the presence of the mother? with moral injustice and less likelihood of being seen as a “natural leader. However it may be useful to consider these health promotion theories in With a little practice and basic understanding of the Parent Adult Child states it is this inter-relationship between ego states which is the focus of Transactional Analysis . .. Management models and theories associated with motivation, leadership. Theories of The effect of parenting on parent-child relationship Adolescents' trust that their political leaders' work for their citizens. (defined.

It apparently makes no difference whether the touching induces pain or pleasure - it is still important. On the whole we prefer to receive negative strokes than no strokes at all, at least that way we know we exist and others know we exist.

mother child relationship theory of leadership

We all have particular strokes we will accept and those we will reject. For example, if we have always been told we are clever, and our brother is creative, then we are likely to accept strokes for being clever, but not for being creative.

From this frame of reference only one person in the family can be the creative one and so on. Stroking can be physical, verbal or nonverbal. It is likely that the great variety of stroke needs and styles present in the world results from differences in wealth, cultural mores, and methods of parenting.

Stroke economy Claude Steiner suggests that, as children, we are all indoctrinated by our parents with five restrictive rules about stroking. By training children to obey these rules, says Steiner, parents ensure that ". A "I like you" B "I don't like you" Strokes can be unconditional or conditional.

An unconditional stroke is a stroke for being whereas a conditional stroke is a stroke for doing. They only let in strokes which they think they are allowed to let in. For instance they allow themselves to receive strokes for being clever and keep out strokes for being good looking. One way to think about this to consider being out in the rain.

The rain is the strokes that are available to us, both positive and negative. There is a hole in the umbrella and some of the strokes go through and we save them in a bucket to enjoy in lean times. Conversely we might use them negatively to reinforce the negative strokes we give to ourselves. Of course, some just bounce off the umbrella and we might not accept the good strokes that are coming our way.

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Some might come in but fall straight onto the floor. Life positions Life positions are basic beliefs about self and others, which are used to justify decisions and behaviour. When we are conceived we are hopefully at peace, waiting to emerge into the world once we have grown sufficiently to be able to survive in the outside of the womb. If nothing untoward happens we will emerge contented and relaxed. However, perhaps our mother had some traumatic experiences, or the birth was difficult or even life threatening.

This experience is likely to have an effect on the way we experience the world, even at the somatic level. In which case we might emerge sensing that life is scary and might, for example, go into "I am not OK and You are not OK either". Let's take it that the pregnancy went fine, and the birth was easy enough.

mother child relationship theory of leadership

Well life experiences might reinforce our initial somatic level life position, or contradict it. This might be the only sense we can make of our experiences. Let's take another situation.

Transactional Analysis

Perhaps we were picked on and bullied as a child. We learnt that the way to get by was to bully others and that way we felt stronger and in control. Of course this may cover up our belief that we are really not OK, but nobody sees that. They just see our behaviour, and in fact we may have forgotten all about our negative feelings about ourselves as we have tried so hard to deny the pain of believing we are not OK.

mother child relationship theory of leadership

These life positions are perceptions of the world. The reality is I just am and you just are, therefore how I view myself and others are just that "views" not fact. However, we tend to act as if they are a fact. Just like when somebody says "I can't do this, I'm useless". Rather than "I don't know how to do this. Will you show me? There are a number of ways of diagramming the life positions.

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Franklin Ernst drew the life positions in quadrants, which he called the OK Corral We have put these into red and green to show the effective and ineffective quadrants for communication and healthy relationships. By shading in the quadrants according to the amount of time we think we spend in each we can get an idea of the amount of time we spend in each.

Ernst used the term 'Corralogram' for this method of self-assessment using the OK Corral matrix. OK Corral - Ernst, Berne talked about the life positions as existential positions, one of which we are more likely to go to under stress. This is significantly different to the concept Ernst uses, i. Whilst there is some truth in this we could agree with Berne that there will be one major position we go into under stress, with perhaps another position underneath this one.

These positions can change as we develop and grow. The difference between Berne and Ernst is important. Chris Davidson writes about the three dimensional model of Okayness. All of the previous diagrams talk as if there were only one other person in the equation, when in reality there are often more. For example, the behaviour of young people in gangs may say that they believe they are okay and perhaps other gangs in their neighbourhood are okay, but an individual or gang from another neighbourhood are not okay.

We often do this at work as well. We find other people who we like and then we gossip and put other people down.

mother child relationship theory of leadership

We are therefore saying that we believe we are okay but those others are awful underneath this there may be a belief that we are not okay either but we feel better by putting someone else down.

In this way the two dimensional model of okayness i. There is also the way in which we view life itself. If we consider that there is something wrong with us, and that others are not to be trusted and are not OK either, then the world would be a scary place and we are likely to experience life as tough and believe we will only be all right if we keep alert and on the look out for danger and difficulties.

Commonly when emotions are triggered people adopt one of three attitudes relating to blame, which each correlate to a position on the Okay Corral: I'm to blame You are okay and I'm not okay - 'helpless' You are to blame I'm okay and you are not okay - 'angry' We are both to blame I'm not okay and you are not okay - 'hopeless' None of these is a healthy position.

Instead the healthy position is, and the mindset should be: It is like having the script of a play in front of us - we read the lines and decide what will happen in each act and how the play will end.

The script is developed from our early decisions based upon our life experience. We may not realise that we have set ourselves a plan but we can often find this out if we ask ourselves what our favorite childhood story was, who was our favorite character in the story and who do we identify with. Then consider the beginning, middle and end of the story. How is this story reflected in our life today?

All of us have the potential to behave from Parent Child or Adult ego state and even in one interaction, we might alternate between these states. This in turn can evoke either form of the Child response — the Adaptive Child being submissive and apologetic accompanied by feelings of shame and low self-esteem; the Rebellious Child being resentful and defensive.

mother child relationship theory of leadership

In the former, the Critical Parent-Adaptive Child interaction might seem to be effective but in the long run, does not allow the employee to develop their own Adult ego state. In the latter, conflict will ensue, the Rebellious Child pushing back and each becoming more polarised in the relationship. Alternatively, the manager can approach the situation with an Adult ego state although this is certainly no guarantee the interaction will be plain sailing. She planned and succeeded in framing her interactions from an Adult state of mind e.

Despite this the employee had a Rebellious Child reaction, saying it was unfair, raising her voice, counter-arguing and saying she would go and report the situation to HR whom perhaps she perceived as a Nurturing Parent?

Of course the employee also has the prerogative around which ego state they can respond from. The Adult state response to the Critical Parent would be to listen, invite details and clarification and if necessary apologise and amend their actions.

An Adult response to feedback neither resists and defends nor does it self-flagellate and become overly dependent on the approval of others.

Failing to ensure that the more positive ego states predominate risks creating and maintaining a workplace where unresolved conflict, hostility and misunderstanding are in constant evidence, with the inevitable impact on morale, efficiency and productivity.

Thanks to my colleague Treasa Kenny who introduced me to Transactional Analysis when we collaborated in a recent team facilitation Got an issue you are grappling with…? Check out some more resources here or download the Complimentary Guide in the sidebar.